My Birthday Girl

Dear Sydney girl,

I can hardly believe that you are finally one years old. I have been thinking lately about how much we struggled and fought to finally have you in our lives. The many miscarriages, testing, months of fertility drugs, and the tears shed as I waited to have a chance to hold you in my arms. I remember pleading with Heavenly Father, asking for the right to be a mother. I remember telling him that if he could just bless me with a child, any child, no matter what this child was like I would love it with all of my heart and soul. That joyous day came when finally I was pregnant! I remember looking at that pregnancy test expecting it to read negative like so many others had previously, but to my joy and astonishment it read positive. I jumped into your Daddy's arms and cried like a baby, finally I was going to have a chance to be a Mom! The next months were not easy for me, but I knew that it was all worth it just to get you in our life's! I think that you were as excited to come as I was excited to get you here! About six weeks before you were do, I started to go into labor. Thankfully we were able to stop that labor, but you still wanted to come, I went into labor 3 more times before I actually got to see your sweet tiny face 2 1/2 weeks before your due date!

It wasn't long after that we found out about your heart problems, how my heart ached as I watched you struggle those many nights before your surgery. I remember being so proud that you were a fighter. Your tiny heart fought to pump the blood through your body, you fought for every breath you took and I was so proud of your will to survive! I hated having to watch you fight and struggle as you recovered from your surgery, knowing that this was not going to be your only fight in life. That not only would you have the normal struggles that every child goes through, but that you would also have to fight through more surgery's. But as I my heart ached at all you were going through, and at all that you would have to go through in the future, I realized that yes you would have many struggles, but that you were a fighter and that you would be able to conquer the many trials that would come into your life.

Oh how I love you my little Sinny girl! I can not even describe the joy that you have brought into my life just from being born!

• I love the way you cuddle your blankie (and anything else that is soft) up to your face.
• I love all the new words that you have been saying. My favorite ones are: "Hi Daddy", "Hi Kitty", "blankie", and of course my favorite one of all is "Momma"!
• I love that every thing that looks like a phone, is a phone, and that you have to say "Hi-hi-hi-hi" to the person on the other end!
• I love the way that you say "Hi" to your stuffed animals and how you rock them in your arms and snuggle them next to your face!
• I love the way you stand on your tip toes and get into mischief, anything that you can pull down you will, nothing is safe from you.
• I love that before you go to sleep at night you have to be cuddled! That is my favorite time of day when I get to hold you in my arms and sing you songs.
• I love the way that you crawl as fast as you can up the stairs because you know that I will catch you and make you come back down.
• I love that way you love others, because of everything that you have been through you could easily be scared of different people. Not my girl, you love to be around people, especially men. You watch them until they smile at you, and then you smile back.
• I love how you greet your Daddy when ever he walks into the room, you always shout out "Hi Dada!" and crawl to him as fast as you can!
• I love it when we pick you up and you pat us on the back.
• I love it that you love chocolate! At Christmas if ever I was eating anything chocolate you would "yell" at me until I gave you a piece, especially the fudge!
• I love how independent you can be. At times it drives me crazy, but you have always had your own strong personality, I know that this will help you as you get older. Your personality is so much like mine, at times I can be to independent. I hope that you can find a balance, keep on being my independent strong girl but learn to rely on others as well.
• I love the way you hum along to the songs I sing, and dance along to any music you hear.
• I love you sense of humor, and that the dumb little things I do can make you laugh.
  
• I love the way you scrunch up your nose when you are happy!
  
• Most of all I love the way you call my name when ever you need me!

I love you so much Sydney girl! I can't even imagine what this next year has in store for you but I hope it holds a lot of smiles, giggles and kisses. Be strong my little one and continue to fight the battle that you have been given. Oh how I wish that I could fight it for you, but I know that you are strong and with every battle you win you will become even stronger. I love you so much!!

Love you forever!
Momma